“What a life”

Lately I have been feeling stress plus disappointed.

Everything seems unclear to me.

I can hardly find someone I can ask for an outing. That’s what I have been feeling disappointed about. And I wonder a lot about that.

I’ve tried. I asked all my friends here. Whoever left here. I asked 1 question, just got 1 answer. There I know where I belong. I understand that each of us has a different life, different lifestyle, different commitments.

I never felt so alone and lonely before in my life. But now, yes, I do admit that the loneliness strikes on a regular basis.

I completely feel like a loser.

Now I understand how those having depression feels like. Cause I think I am moving into that direction nowadays.

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Betrayal

I put an IG status like this;

Assume that everyone will betray you, so, you’ll never be disappointed.

I heard it from a dialogue in the cinema. From Star Wars movie. I guess betrayal comes in many form. People lie to you is a betrayal. People leave you is a betrayal too. Perhaps different people thinks differently.

Not everyone will do that but someday, someone will. I am being negative again. Haha. I just don’t trust people anymore. Especially when it comes to work.

Disappointment

Have you ever feel really disappointed that leads to you being angry?

I have. I think since a few months back. I feel so disappointed at everything especially work related. I tried to take it easy, but I can’t lower down my standards and expectations.

Gaahh. So complicated lah.

I hate the life I am living right now. But, I kinda like the network and relationships I’ve made over time. Some people are really good. Some are annoying like hell and hard to deal with. Haihh…

I should move lah.

Expectation

I am so happy when my friend suddenly tell me she’s getting married. Knowing that she has no boyfriend, that shocked me. But I am happy for her.

She’s worried I know. And she also has a lot of expectations. Expectation on how when they’re married, will her friends accept her husband. Can his husband’s friend accept her.

I asked her why she expects that? It’s not fair for both parties.

Just accept HIM! Why I put HIM in capital because we know it’s not just him she’s marrying, but the whole package, good and bad. His family, his friends, his behaviour, his work. Good and bad.

Wah. I talked like I have experienced it before. Haha. I did. I nearly married someone but it didn’t happen. When she asked me, how I knew he’s the one when I decided to get married previously? I told her, I didn’t actually know he’s the one for me, but, I just know at that time I want to marry him and want to grow old together with him.

What I want to say here is; expectation is bad. But, if you have expectation on someome, tell them. But don’t expect them to change just because of your expectation on them has been mentioned, discussed and clarified. Expectation works both ways. You need to clarified your expectation and the other party needs to acknowledge it. Then maybe it will work. Well, nobody knows how human mind works. *shrug*

Mean world

Staying too long in this industry, dealing with all sort of people, I realized what a mean world we’re living just to survive.

They are few good people still around. But not many. And if they are exposed to this kind of environment long enough, I don’t think they’ll be kind anymore.

Guilty

I think, all my life I’ll always feel guilty especially guilty for my family. After I decided to work in Penang, I knew that I’ll be having this feeling whenever someone at home is sick especially my mum.

And hell yes. It strikes me each time I got a whatsapp message about her being sick. I do not know what I should do. Should I just leave whatever I do at that time and be at home with her? It’s not a short journey and surely a tired one.

Told my sister, I have this feeling since she’s too not near my mum. And told her, I can only give money to whoever that can help back home. For me to give time, is very hard. And I just realized that I am not that fit anymore. I get tired easily due to the hectic work. 😔😣

Busy bee

I have been busy lately. Very busy. Have been working late almost every night. By late I mean really late. Like 2am. 😭😭😭😭

Dunno if I complained a lot or whatsoever. I did. I scolded so many people. I was tired and restless. Haihh…

Not good.

Sorry la for whoever I scolded. 😂😂

Don’t mess with me when I am tired, restless and sleepless. You better do your job or homework first before asking me or questioning me. Else I will shoot you with questions endlessly. And when I do that, it’s gonna be harsh.

Should I just quit now?

I cried this morning feeling so disappointed and drained and tired of my job.

I never ever cried because of work related before but somehow I did this morning. Not too sure because I love this job so much or whatsoever reason it is or may be PMS strikes I am more sensitive today.

The whole day I was feeling tired and now I have a headache.

When I first started, I told myself, I am going to give it a try for a year. A year has passed. Should I reconsider staying or move forward and finding a “good” opportunity out there?

The reason

Someone asked me, “why are you working so hard?”

Then it hit me.

Now when I’m working, it’s not just about me. If I can make this happen, I will help create more job opportunities for people around me.

Yes. That’s the answer of why I’m working so hard when everyone else’s slacking off.